Part 52 ~ Horsey in this Woody Goat Year 2015

As per fortune, 2014 isn't a good year for horsey like me. Of course, I wasn't that bad at the first half of the year while I was staying in KL. But good life doesn't last once I had moved to Kulai. Hubby always remind me that I'm no longer in KL anymore.

 

 

 

Social life, career life, daily routine life.... all dramatically changed. Career life really kills me almost everyday since jobs application starts. Included now I'm at my current company. People is 'shit', not well controlled by management, culture is bullshit! Nothing I like about my current company.

 

But I know, God always prepare something or someone for me when I in trouble. I have a good partner, she is understanding, helpful, kind and caring too. And also a young cute HR personnel. Sorry to say, it's really pulling me down all these while since I working here.

 

 

Emotion being down, dull, depressed, demotivated... I feel so sick when I go to office. Hubby became my victim, sorry dear. Seriously, I don't know how to handle all this bad emotion which happened at once.

 

I know hubby was quite worried about me since I had moved over. After consultation with his regular Feng Shui master, hubby bought me this little pinky. He told, this will avoid bad people surrounding me, meanwhile it will attract good relationship from family, friends, and boss which will bringing luck to me at work. I sincerely wish that all this will happen!

 

 

Dear God, I didn't meant that loosing trust or believe from you. I still believe God is always there for me, and He is always listen to my words. Anyhow, the little pink Rose Quartz is a 'ok' accessory for me to carry everyday, perhaps I will transform it to become a necklace one day.....

 

Still, I have to thank my hubby. Thank you so much. I know you are trying your best to make me feel good. I knew it. Just the matter of time. I will wait patiently.

 



Part 51 ~ Things are Not Right at all

From July 2014 till now January 2015,
things don't seem to be going smoothly.

As hubby said,
we must always look at the bright side,
but it is just something to cheer me up,
another hand, nothing was changed to be better.

I was jobless since I quit my previous job from PruBSN Takaful in KL.
I was hardly getting a job in Kulai and even JB.
They said I was over qualified.
They said they are just a small company.
They said they don't need a Assistant Manager for their small admin position.

Mom's health condition,
never be good from the time she moves over.
Getting weaker and weaker which lead to her shoulder dislocation.
Getting easier to fall sick.
Getting more frequent to have Gout attack.

Today, I was mentioning that Jacq will be travelling for her annual HK trip next week.
Hubby blaming himself that he was bringing me back luck since he had married me.
I lost my good career in KL,
I lost my good life in KL,
I lost all my friends in KL too.

To be frank, I am really not doing good here.
I hate Kulai, I hate JB, I hate Johor either.
I can't have good job here,
of course I won't have good income too.

Life in Johor is just suck!!!
People here is just unpredictable which can always cause me high blood pressure.
Traffic here is worst than KL, as majority of the drivers here are 'SAKAI"!

With all the bad conditions, I feel so tensioned!
Work, mom, house work, and everything.
I feel so irritated to see the house in a mess,
but hubby not really helping, as he thinks it is just fine to him.
I was so exhausted to keep tidying up his mess in the house.

Life is hard here, I didn't 'enjoy' life here at all.
I know I having certain level of depression and anxiety.
It is rather hard to control my emotion since I moved here.
Lately even worst, whenever I had something not going smoothly,
I easily get angry, and it follows with bad palpitation and tachycardia,
until I have difficulty in breathing.

I have no other choices, hubby likes Kulai, likes this superb 'peaceful' place,
which it is so inconvenient for me in anything.
Staying here just for living, but not life enjoying.
At this stage, I can only keep going as what I am having and facing now.
But doesn't mean that I agree and accept everything.

I know hubby is trying his best to love me and care of me, included mom.
But it doesn't cure me, it is only to comfort me either.

Hubby even asking me to consider for moving back to KL if I want.
I don't think this is a good solution.
I guaranteed, for sure this will lengthen our relationship with a big gap
and bringing back with bad marriage.

Part 50 ~ Bad January 2015

This is a bad beginning for me and mom in this very new year.

Mom is attacking by a sudden left foot swollen with severe pain.

She can't ambulate without assistance.

Of course she won't be able to perform her normal activity of daily living,

included going to toilet (for pee or poo), pants changing, getting down from bed, getting food when hungry.... etc.

It was started with mild 2-3 days before we heading to KL over the weekend (on 2/1/15).

Mom choose to keep the real situation whenever I called her during my trip in KL.

Until Sunday, her voice was obviously not the same.

OMG! She was in severe pain!!!!

The moment I reached home, it was really break my heart off and I was crying away inside my heart.

Her foot was really swollen like an elephant leg, warm to touch, and she was febrile.

With all the ineffective treatment and uncertain diagnosis (from few consultations),

Mom was diagnosed with Bacteria Infection.

Bringing whole packets of antibiotics and anti-inflammatory pills,

I took 3 days unpaid leave (aka urgent leaves) to take care mom at home.

Taking care of a dependant for day and night isn't that easy and quite exhausted.

Lucky hubby was with us all this while, helping me, fetching me, reassurance me.

Thank God, sister willing to fly over and took over the task, and I can go back to work as usual.

(From Sunday) Till now, today is day 6, improvement very minimal.

 

Can mom be alone again at home from Monday onwards?

Will she get better later?

Dear God, can you heal my mom? Pleaseeeeeeee...

Part 49 ~ 2015 New Year

I am not sure what can I wish or expect for the coming year in 2015?

Or should I back to my very earlier life principle ~ no expectation, no disappointment.
And it works well every time.

It makes me feel good, I believe life is always great if there is no disappointment.

However, it still can't stop me from having a little hope for the entire year, right?

There are three important entities in life which I won't forget,
Remember there is always something there to do, something to love and something to hope for.

Praying helps a lot to calm me down, I'm here to pray :

I hope to have happiness, good health and loves for myself and my loves one.

Happy New Year 2015!!

Part 44 ~ Embarrassment and Heart Aching

Time really flies. I'm being here in Kulai almost two months. Having a "wonderful" break. On the other hand, I'm jobless for almost two months too. Of course I'm happy to have a break during my settling down at a new environment. But when the "holiday" is getting prolonged, it will become meaningless, wasted and worrying me too. Jobless life became a burden to me. 

I'm getting stressed and tensioned. I do not know what can I do now? I keep browsing all the recruitment websites, checking my mailbox, sending my CV and updating my personal working profile too. Every interview call also giving me a hope, unfortunately it ended up with false hope. It happened again and again.

Those days when I was I KL, never been having such upset and heart breaking while getting a job. I was so lucky to have jobs coming towards me. I wasn't worried at all about not getting a good job in KL. I'm getting promoted from one company to another. I'm really proud of myself. Those days, I was able to earn average 5-6K per month, with no house or car commitment, I was rather relaxed with my life.

But, it will be a history to me, and it hasn't happened to me again in Kulai, or even Johor. With such great working experiences of a few big companies, it became bullshit and rubbish when am asking for a job here. Those interviewers don't bother at all about my past, they just want a cheap labor. 

I am feeling so heartache these two months of the job seeking process. I was someone who can earn almost 6K in KL, but I hardly get a job with just a 2K pay. I feel so useless here. I almost lost myself. I can't see my future. I really have no idea how can I survive for the coming days without a proper job. And I dare not dream to have a good career neither. 

Worst comes to the worst, am I supposed to consider a job in Singapore? Will you support me?

Part 48 ~ My Christmas Wish 2014

It was my practise or so called habit to have some nice shoots
with my photogs (and for my mom too)during the Christmas festival in KL.

No doubt KL always has having the beautiful deco
which never disappointed me ever especially Pavillion.
This habit was lasted for years during my confinement in KL.


























But, things changed. Things no longer be the same anymore.
KL, is 300km far apart from me.
KL, is no longer an usual hangout place for me through.
Till now, I still miss my days in KL.

Thanks hubby for the organization for a 2D1N trip in KL.

I managed to witness the beautiful Christmas deco in KL.
I managed to have catch-up with my buddies and besties.
I managed to relief my hand itchiness for camera shutter.
And most important, hubby managed to try the BKT he wanted!


























Everything was just nicely arranged except Kevin.
We missed the meet-up with him due to my miscommunication.

Thanks again hubby for the arrangement.
I do enjoy the trip.




















Unfortunately, mom wasn't well enough to enjoy the trip.
Although it was quite uneasy to have 'unwell' mom tagging with us along the way,
thanks hubby and everyone for the care, concern and understanding,
mom was feeling quite cheerful along the trip.

Part 47 ~ Job Seeking Experience in JB

I was unemployed since my previous job resignation on 23/7/14 in KL.
I know I'm gonna miss my career and let go a not-bad salary job in KL too.

But I know I have to be responsible for the decision I had made,
to marry him and permanently staying in Kulai for at least another 20-30 years if I am OK to survive such long duration.  

This is an dramatic chance for me to start my new life in Kulai.
Even at this hour upon blogging right now,
I am still find myself very hard to adapt and accept what I am dealing with everyday.

I have no other better choice,
I just have to force myself for all the non-senses.

I know hubby is trying hard for me and my mom.
I can see it and I can feel it too.
I know hubby also trying his very best to assist me in everything, included getting me a job too.

I'm very stressed since day ONE I moved over, even now.
I had almost spent out majority of my flooding funds from my account.
Of course I was frustrated in everything here.

Hundreds of applications and emailed was sent for a job in Kulai and JB.
With my limited career exposure and unrelated working experiences,
it was pretty hard for me to get a job I want, or a job I can work well with my background.

Finally, God listened my prayers.

30/10/2014 ~ I received a call from her, Emily; HR from Ezyhealth.  
She was clarifying my latest updates if still interested for a job.
Of course, I had gave her a big YES, and interview appointment made.

05/11/2014 ~ Job interview with Pauline, also my current manager.
I was happily spreading the good news to my hubby.
He was so supportive, hubby and mom were my supporters to accompany me for the interview with all the was from Kulai to City Square, which was about 37km away from home.

I wasn't sure if I was doing well during my interview.
Interviewer was trying to brain wash me and queried me if I can work in a small company, and if I can accept a job with almost 50% lower down salary compared to my previous jobs in KL.
I know I have no reason to say NO for the offer, I know I won't be as lucky as in KL any more.

But, interviewer has no immediate confirmation for the employment.
What else, I know, I have to wait for her answer as what my past jobs seeking experiences.
I dare not expect any good news from Ezyhealth.
I know I wasn't doing well during the session.
I know I might not be the one she wants.
And I know also I might be too expensive to be employed.

06/11/2014 ~ YES!!! Pauline called me!! AMEN!!!
She is offering me a job! Corporate Administration Executive.
Anyhow, I still need to be interviewed by her boss in Singapore and to discuss further on my salary too.

Although I am not really sure what's the job all about....
But I can just try my best to learn what I have to learn......

11/11/2014 ~ I stepped into their SG office, met the lady boss. I was glad that she doesn't teased me who willing to downgrade my employment level and my salary.
Without any further consideration, I accepted and signed the offer.
Employment effective with immediate effect. Finally I was employed!

Winnie Lam ~ You are entering to another level of life in JB.  
What I can tell myself ~ just be patient!

Part 46 ~ YOU ARE ALWAYS IN MY HEART

Since I started my relationship with him,
this was my third time I went back Kuching with hubby.
After the situation during my ROM,
I don't expect any precious feeling from this trip.

As hubby said,
this trip was meant for Yuan Yuan ONE year old birthday celebration.
For the sake of respect towards FIL and SIL,
we should go back.  

Two day one night, from Kulai to Kuching.
Although I had prepared myself,
but I never thought for such worst treats at her house!

No conversation with her, never mind.
No eye contact with her, never mind.
No response or reply from her, also never mind.
I will hold myself till end of the trip.

But, she can really treats me transparent!!!
Trying to close the gate at living room while I was still sitting at the gate edge!
She almost hurt me with the gate!
Trying to switch off air-con while I was still sitting at the living room (alone)!
She really can't see me there? Was I transparent?
Trying to grab/take away baby while I was cradling in the cradle!
She almost knock my toes by the cradle wheels!

You were good to me at the beginning stage.
Why all this relationship changed dramatically!!
Did I do something wrong?
Did I upset you?

As hubby told, she doesn't likes my mum!
So what!!!
She is my mum, now and ever!!
I won't throw my mum aside or ignore her after I got married.
Taking care of my mum is compulsory!
I didn't see anything goes wrong here!

















She spoilt my ROM!
The most meaningful day of us!!!
And she spoilt it!!!
For this, I won't forget her, now and ever.

I can foresee,
it will be the same for my wedding dinner!
And wishing her all the best on how bad will she going to treat me!!!

Part 45 ~ 他们做错什么呢？

给＂她＂的话：

为什么您要酱对我呢？
因为我是小的，您是大的吗？
因为您要向我下马威吗？
若是这么简单，我会忍；
忍屎忍尿，我都会忍您！

那为什么您要醬对我妈呢？
因为您怕儿子不再疼您吗？
因为您怕您会失去儿子吗？
若是这么简单，我会忍；
白天昼夜，我都会让您！

还要，为什么您要酱对我的亲戚朋友呢？
因为他们对您无礼吗？
因为他们是陌生人吗？
若是这么简单，我会忍；
为了他们，我还会向您道歉！

可是，真的酱简单吗？

就是您的不了解，
破坏了我们的注册日；
就是您的不协调，
伤透了我们的心灵；

也就是您的不理智，
换来了我与妈妈的眼泪，
留下了对您无比的恐惧，
还失去了与您相见的期望！

给老公的话：

对不起老公，
那一个星期，真的很难熬！
我很怕，我不敢面对她。
我很糟，我不想知道她怎样讨厌我。
我很慌，我不能期望什么将来。
我很烦，很乱，很无助，
因为我爱你，老公！

Part 43 ~ Finally.... and finally

Proposal was made on May 2013 during our KK trip. I still remembered the beautiful sun rising at the almost summit at KK Mount. Sorry dear, due to my unfit physical status, I didn't managed to make it to the summit. 

But I know you wanted to make it a memorable moment for us. 

Proposal was done (again) in Pulau Mahukan. Beautiful beach, blue sky, boutique of white lily and diamond ring, with such a beautiful combination and I said "Yes, I do!"

It was more than a year time since proposal. Wedding date was keep delaying and postponing due to some misunderstanding. Arguing and quarreling reoccurred again and again. Tears and sorrow was quite heart hurting at that time. 

Fortunately, everything had came to the end. Just because of LOVE. thank God for giving us the chance to understand each other more, of course it made our loves grow from day to day too. 

Planning was taking action one by one. From resigning my job, quitting my career, ending my last working day, farewell-ing with my ex colleagues, and finally ending my rental contract. Everything moving as smooth as I planned.

The most hectic part had completely done too. Thanks dear for everything, I know it was very exhausting and tiring. Since then, Kulai will be my new home. 

I know it is another tough challenge for me to start my life in Kulai. For sure I will miss my best buddies in KL, I believed so do them too. I need to let go my career with bright future and attractive income. Everything needs to be started from zero. New environment, new people, new culture. On the other hand, I have no job, no career and no buddies. But only you.

I understand that I can not eat the cake and have the cake. Choices had been made and something needs to be sacrificed for my own future happiness. I really wish that I had made the correct choice. Failure had happened in 2007, and I trust him, he won't allowed the same happen on me again.

Dear, without you, our home and our own family will not be existed. Thanks dear for everything since day 1 you had chosen me. Let us hand in hand, create our own pathway to the future. Can we do that?