Part 52 ~ Horsey in this Woody Goat Year 2015

As per fortune, 2014 isn't a good year for horsey like me. Of course, I wasn't that bad at the first half of the year while I was staying in KL. But good life doesn't last once I had moved to Kulai. Hubby always remind me that I'm no longer in KL anymore.

 

 

 

Social life, career life, daily routine life.... all dramatically changed. Career life really kills me almost everyday since jobs application starts. Included now I'm at my current company. People is 'shit', not well controlled by management, culture is bullshit! Nothing I like about my current company.

 

But I know, God always prepare something or someone for me when I in trouble. I have a good partner, she is understanding, helpful, kind and caring too. And also a young cute HR personnel. Sorry to say, it's really pulling me down all these while since I working here.

 

 

Emotion being down, dull, depressed, demotivated... I feel so sick when I go to office. Hubby became my victim, sorry dear. Seriously, I don't know how to handle all this bad emotion which happened at once.

 

I know hubby was quite worried about me since I had moved over. After consultation with his regular Feng Shui master, hubby bought me this little pinky. He told, this will avoid bad people surrounding me, meanwhile it will attract good relationship from family, friends, and boss which will bringing luck to me at work. I sincerely wish that all this will happen!

 

 

Dear God, I didn't meant that loosing trust or believe from you. I still believe God is always there for me, and He is always listen to my words. Anyhow, the little pink Rose Quartz is a 'ok' accessory for me to carry everyday, perhaps I will transform it to become a necklace one day.....

 

Still, I have to thank my hubby. Thank you so much. I know you are trying your best to make me feel good. I knew it. Just the matter of time. I will wait patiently.

 



Part 51 ~ Things are Not Right at all

From July 2014 till now January 2015,
things don't seem to be going smoothly.

As hubby said,
we must always look at the bright side,
but it is just something to cheer me up,
another hand, nothing was changed to be better.

I was jobless since I quit my previous job from PruBSN Takaful in KL.
I was hardly getting a job in Kulai and even JB.
They said I was over qualified.
They said they are just a small company.
They said they don't need a Assistant Manager for their small admin position.

Mom's health condition,
never be good from the time she moves over.
Getting weaker and weaker which lead to her shoulder dislocation.
Getting easier to fall sick.
Getting more frequent to have Gout attack.

Today, I was mentioning that Jacq will be travelling for her annual HK trip next week.
Hubby blaming himself that he was bringing me back luck since he had married me.
I lost my good career in KL,
I lost my good life in KL,
I lost all my friends in KL too.

To be frank, I am really not doing good here.
I hate Kulai, I hate JB, I hate Johor either.
I can't have good job here,
of course I won't have good income too.

Life in Johor is just suck!!!
People here is just unpredictable which can always cause me high blood pressure.
Traffic here is worst than KL, as majority of the drivers here are 'SAKAI"!

With all the bad conditions, I feel so tensioned!
Work, mom, house work, and everything.
I feel so irritated to see the house in a mess,
but hubby not really helping, as he thinks it is just fine to him.
I was so exhausted to keep tidying up his mess in the house.

Life is hard here, I didn't 'enjoy' life here at all.
I know I having certain level of depression and anxiety.
It is rather hard to control my emotion since I moved here.
Lately even worst, whenever I had something not going smoothly,
I easily get angry, and it follows with bad palpitation and tachycardia,
until I have difficulty in breathing.

I have no other choices, hubby likes Kulai, likes this superb 'peaceful' place,
which it is so inconvenient for me in anything.
Staying here just for living, but not life enjoying.
At this stage, I can only keep going as what I am having and facing now.
But doesn't mean that I agree and accept everything.

I know hubby is trying his best to love me and care of me, included mom.
But it doesn't cure me, it is only to comfort me either.

Hubby even asking me to consider for moving back to KL if I want.
I don't think this is a good solution.
I guaranteed, for sure this will lengthen our relationship with a big gap
and bringing back with bad marriage.

Part 50 ~ Bad January 2015

This is a bad beginning for me and mom in this very new year.

Mom is attacking by a sudden left foot swollen with severe pain.

She can't ambulate without assistance.

Of course she won't be able to perform her normal activity of daily living,

included going to toilet (for pee or poo), pants changing, getting down from bed, getting food when hungry.... etc.

It was started with mild 2-3 days before we heading to KL over the weekend (on 2/1/15).

Mom choose to keep the real situation whenever I called her during my trip in KL.

Until Sunday, her voice was obviously not the same.

OMG! She was in severe pain!!!!

The moment I reached home, it was really break my heart off and I was crying away inside my heart.

Her foot was really swollen like an elephant leg, warm to touch, and she was febrile.

With all the ineffective treatment and uncertain diagnosis (from few consultations),

Mom was diagnosed with Bacteria Infection.

Bringing whole packets of antibiotics and anti-inflammatory pills,

I took 3 days unpaid leave (aka urgent leaves) to take care mom at home.

Taking care of a dependant for day and night isn't that easy and quite exhausted.

Lucky hubby was with us all this while, helping me, fetching me, reassurance me.

Thank God, sister willing to fly over and took over the task, and I can go back to work as usual.

(From Sunday) Till now, today is day 6, improvement very minimal.

 

Can mom be alone again at home from Monday onwards?

Will she get better later?

Dear God, can you heal my mom? Pleaseeeeeeee...