Part 49 ~ 2015 New Year

I am not sure what can I wish or expect for the coming year in 2015?

Or should I back to my very earlier life principle ~ no expectation, no disappointment.
And it works well every time.

It makes me feel good, I believe life is always great if there is no disappointment.

However, it still can't stop me from having a little hope for the entire year, right?

There are three important entities in life which I won't forget,
Remember there is always something there to do, something to love and something to hope for.

Praying helps a lot to calm me down, I'm here to pray :

I hope to have happiness, good health and loves for myself and my loves one.

Happy New Year 2015!!

Part 44 ~ Embarrassment and Heart Aching

Time really flies. I'm being here in Kulai almost two months. Having a "wonderful" break. On the other hand, I'm jobless for almost two months too. Of course I'm happy to have a break during my settling down at a new environment. But when the "holiday" is getting prolonged, it will become meaningless, wasted and worrying me too. Jobless life became a burden to me. 

I'm getting stressed and tensioned. I do not know what can I do now? I keep browsing all the recruitment websites, checking my mailbox, sending my CV and updating my personal working profile too. Every interview call also giving me a hope, unfortunately it ended up with false hope. It happened again and again.

Those days when I was I KL, never been having such upset and heart breaking while getting a job. I was so lucky to have jobs coming towards me. I wasn't worried at all about not getting a good job in KL. I'm getting promoted from one company to another. I'm really proud of myself. Those days, I was able to earn average 5-6K per month, with no house or car commitment, I was rather relaxed with my life.

But, it will be a history to me, and it hasn't happened to me again in Kulai, or even Johor. With such great working experiences of a few big companies, it became bullshit and rubbish when am asking for a job here. Those interviewers don't bother at all about my past, they just want a cheap labor. 

I am feeling so heartache these two months of the job seeking process. I was someone who can earn almost 6K in KL, but I hardly get a job with just a 2K pay. I feel so useless here. I almost lost myself. I can't see my future. I really have no idea how can I survive for the coming days without a proper job. And I dare not dream to have a good career neither. 

Worst comes to the worst, am I supposed to consider a job in Singapore? Will you support me?

Part 48 ~ My Christmas Wish 2014

It was my practise or so called habit to have some nice shoots
with my photogs (and for my mom too)during the Christmas festival in KL.

No doubt KL always has having the beautiful deco
which never disappointed me ever especially Pavillion.
This habit was lasted for years during my confinement in KL.


























But, things changed. Things no longer be the same anymore.
KL, is 300km far apart from me.
KL, is no longer an usual hangout place for me through.
Till now, I still miss my days in KL.

Thanks hubby for the organization for a 2D1N trip in KL.

I managed to witness the beautiful Christmas deco in KL.
I managed to have catch-up with my buddies and besties.
I managed to relief my hand itchiness for camera shutter.
And most important, hubby managed to try the BKT he wanted!


























Everything was just nicely arranged except Kevin.
We missed the meet-up with him due to my miscommunication.

Thanks again hubby for the arrangement.
I do enjoy the trip.




















Unfortunately, mom wasn't well enough to enjoy the trip.
Although it was quite uneasy to have 'unwell' mom tagging with us along the way,
thanks hubby and everyone for the care, concern and understanding,
mom was feeling quite cheerful along the trip.

Part 47 ~ Job Seeking Experience in JB

I was unemployed since my previous job resignation on 23/7/14 in KL.
I know I'm gonna miss my career and let go a not-bad salary job in KL too.

But I know I have to be responsible for the decision I had made,
to marry him and permanently staying in Kulai for at least another 20-30 years if I am OK to survive such long duration.  

This is an dramatic chance for me to start my new life in Kulai.
Even at this hour upon blogging right now,
I am still find myself very hard to adapt and accept what I am dealing with everyday.

I have no other better choice,
I just have to force myself for all the non-senses.

I know hubby is trying hard for me and my mom.
I can see it and I can feel it too.
I know hubby also trying his very best to assist me in everything, included getting me a job too.

I'm very stressed since day ONE I moved over, even now.
I had almost spent out majority of my flooding funds from my account.
Of course I was frustrated in everything here.

Hundreds of applications and emailed was sent for a job in Kulai and JB.
With my limited career exposure and unrelated working experiences,
it was pretty hard for me to get a job I want, or a job I can work well with my background.

Finally, God listened my prayers.

30/10/2014 ~ I received a call from her, Emily; HR from Ezyhealth.  
She was clarifying my latest updates if still interested for a job.
Of course, I had gave her a big YES, and interview appointment made.

05/11/2014 ~ Job interview with Pauline, also my current manager.
I was happily spreading the good news to my hubby.
He was so supportive, hubby and mom were my supporters to accompany me for the interview with all the was from Kulai to City Square, which was about 37km away from home.

I wasn't sure if I was doing well during my interview.
Interviewer was trying to brain wash me and queried me if I can work in a small company, and if I can accept a job with almost 50% lower down salary compared to my previous jobs in KL.
I know I have no reason to say NO for the offer, I know I won't be as lucky as in KL any more.

But, interviewer has no immediate confirmation for the employment.
What else, I know, I have to wait for her answer as what my past jobs seeking experiences.
I dare not expect any good news from Ezyhealth.
I know I wasn't doing well during the session.
I know I might not be the one she wants.
And I know also I might be too expensive to be employed.

06/11/2014 ~ YES!!! Pauline called me!! AMEN!!!
She is offering me a job! Corporate Administration Executive.
Anyhow, I still need to be interviewed by her boss in Singapore and to discuss further on my salary too.

Although I am not really sure what's the job all about....
But I can just try my best to learn what I have to learn......

11/11/2014 ~ I stepped into their SG office, met the lady boss. I was glad that she doesn't teased me who willing to downgrade my employment level and my salary.
Without any further consideration, I accepted and signed the offer.
Employment effective with immediate effect. Finally I was employed!

Winnie Lam ~ You are entering to another level of life in JB.  
What I can tell myself ~ just be patient!

Part 46 ~ YOU ARE ALWAYS IN MY HEART

Since I started my relationship with him,
this was my third time I went back Kuching with hubby.
After the situation during my ROM,
I don't expect any precious feeling from this trip.

As hubby said,
this trip was meant for Yuan Yuan ONE year old birthday celebration.
For the sake of respect towards FIL and SIL,
we should go back.  

Two day one night, from Kulai to Kuching.
Although I had prepared myself,
but I never thought for such worst treats at her house!

No conversation with her, never mind.
No eye contact with her, never mind.
No response or reply from her, also never mind.
I will hold myself till end of the trip.

But, she can really treats me transparent!!!
Trying to close the gate at living room while I was still sitting at the gate edge!
She almost hurt me with the gate!
Trying to switch off air-con while I was still sitting at the living room (alone)!
She really can't see me there? Was I transparent?
Trying to grab/take away baby while I was cradling in the cradle!
She almost knock my toes by the cradle wheels!

You were good to me at the beginning stage.
Why all this relationship changed dramatically!!
Did I do something wrong?
Did I upset you?

As hubby told, she doesn't likes my mum!
So what!!!
She is my mum, now and ever!!
I won't throw my mum aside or ignore her after I got married.
Taking care of my mum is compulsory!
I didn't see anything goes wrong here!

















She spoilt my ROM!
The most meaningful day of us!!!
And she spoilt it!!!
For this, I won't forget her, now and ever.

I can foresee,
it will be the same for my wedding dinner!
And wishing her all the best on how bad will she going to treat me!!!

Part 45 ~ 他们做错什么呢？

给＂她＂的话：

为什么您要酱对我呢？
因为我是小的，您是大的吗？
因为您要向我下马威吗？
若是这么简单，我会忍；
忍屎忍尿，我都会忍您！

那为什么您要醬对我妈呢？
因为您怕儿子不再疼您吗？
因为您怕您会失去儿子吗？
若是这么简单，我会忍；
白天昼夜，我都会让您！

还要，为什么您要酱对我的亲戚朋友呢？
因为他们对您无礼吗？
因为他们是陌生人吗？
若是这么简单，我会忍；
为了他们，我还会向您道歉！

可是，真的酱简单吗？

就是您的不了解，
破坏了我们的注册日；
就是您的不协调，
伤透了我们的心灵；

也就是您的不理智，
换来了我与妈妈的眼泪，
留下了对您无比的恐惧，
还失去了与您相见的期望！

给老公的话：

对不起老公，
那一个星期，真的很难熬！
我很怕，我不敢面对她。
我很糟，我不想知道她怎样讨厌我。
我很慌，我不能期望什么将来。
我很烦，很乱，很无助，
因为我爱你，老公！

Part 43 ~ Finally.... and finally

Proposal was made on May 2013 during our KK trip. I still remembered the beautiful sun rising at the almost summit at KK Mount. Sorry dear, due to my unfit physical status, I didn't managed to make it to the summit. 

But I know you wanted to make it a memorable moment for us. 

Proposal was done (again) in Pulau Mahukan. Beautiful beach, blue sky, boutique of white lily and diamond ring, with such a beautiful combination and I said "Yes, I do!"

It was more than a year time since proposal. Wedding date was keep delaying and postponing due to some misunderstanding. Arguing and quarreling reoccurred again and again. Tears and sorrow was quite heart hurting at that time. 

Fortunately, everything had came to the end. Just because of LOVE. thank God for giving us the chance to understand each other more, of course it made our loves grow from day to day too. 

Planning was taking action one by one. From resigning my job, quitting my career, ending my last working day, farewell-ing with my ex colleagues, and finally ending my rental contract. Everything moving as smooth as I planned.

The most hectic part had completely done too. Thanks dear for everything, I know it was very exhausting and tiring. Since then, Kulai will be my new home. 

I know it is another tough challenge for me to start my life in Kulai. For sure I will miss my best buddies in KL, I believed so do them too. I need to let go my career with bright future and attractive income. Everything needs to be started from zero. New environment, new people, new culture. On the other hand, I have no job, no career and no buddies. But only you.

I understand that I can not eat the cake and have the cake. Choices had been made and something needs to be sacrificed for my own future happiness. I really wish that I had made the correct choice. Failure had happened in 2007, and I trust him, he won't allowed the same happen on me again.

Dear, without you, our home and our own family will not be existed. Thanks dear for everything since day 1 you had chosen me. Let us hand in hand, create our own pathway to the future. Can we do that?

Part 42 ～ 我不懂

我知道 我们是要尽量配合对方

可是 有些时候
我是不能依照你那套意见或观念去做

不是我要跟你硬碰
不是我要硬跟你吵

而是 我已经尝试了而行不通
我没有选择

我不能接受你说我嫁给工作
而不重视我们这段感情或不重视你的家人

因为你根本不知道我在公司怎样向老板要求这三月的假期
我有我的工作岗位
每间公司有自己的管理

我不是生气你
可是我真的很心痛
因为你的不谅解

你说你很累 难道我不是吗
难道我只是坐在这里什么都没坐吗
难道我真的没付出过吗

两次的吵架
你都说
我们不适合
我们是不是应该在一起
我们是不是应该结婚
这些话都像刀一样地狠狠地插在我心

很痛很痛
我们是远距离的感情
沟通是很重要的

你没告诉我
我不知道你在想什么
我也不知道你在安排什么

你都会说大家家庭观念不一样
所以沟通真的很重要
你说你会配合
可能你是有点不甘心的配合
我也不知道 
我真的不知道

Part 41 ~ 我可以要你一点点的同情吗

星期二了 我们还是没有和好如初
比上次还要严重
已经很久没有你的问候了
已经很久没有你的关心了
也已经很久没听到你的声音了

很想你 很念你 你呢
都有在想我吗
还是在气我呢
还是。。。在考虑要我这个老婆吗

问题还是问题
因为你 对人不对事
把所有问题往自己身上吭

不止辛苦自己 也辛苦你身边的人
你可以放松一点吗

两个人在一起

是互相尊重 互相礼让 互相接受对方的全部

就如你所讲
一对情侣在一起 不止是两个人的事
而是两个两家庭的事

我很笨 很钝 很多時候都不知道該怎麼做
我需要你的指引
但是 在某些时候 我也有我自己的处事方式
只要大家配合 就可以了
不是吗

很多事 我很想讲 可是那是你的家人 
我选择把它收在心里
学习好好地爱他们
因为 他们也是我的家人

我知道 爱要付出的 
可是 我想贪心一点 
我希望可以换来你的谅解 还要那一点点的同情
可以吗

Part 40 ~ 真的没完没了

还以为可以雨过天睛

事情却越描越黑

心越来越痛

可是我已经累了

泪也干了

今天你的每一句 

都像在我伤口撒盐

真的很痛 很痛

我想我们需要点时间冷静一下

不然 真的会完的！

我不想 再哭了

Part 39 ~ 灰色的

我看不见彩虹了，
眼前看到的都是漆黑一片。

我挤不出半点笑容，
我只能带着面具出去上班，
下班后，我还是锁自己在房！

我真的什么都不想去烦！

可是我还得要想清楚，
真的可以继续下去吗？

Part 38 ~ 我很心痛

心痛了两天，
我不知道我该怎样，
只知道你一点多不体谅我。

我没说你顾家人不对，
可是，我呢？

你有没有想过我的感受呢？
工作当然重要，
难道工作对你来讲不重要吗？

我不吃，我还要家人要照顾，
若假期不批的话，
真的可以丢下工作，跟你回去吗？

你以为我不着急吗？
你以为我不紧张吗？
你以为我不想回去古晋吗？

你只会说，不知道要怎样向你家人交代；
我呢？

我这次放假后回去上班，突然又下属丢信，
所有老板还在放假，突然的人手短缺，
这些突发事件，不是我所可以控制！
我只是讲担心假不批；
我有讲过我不回吗？
我有讲过我不跟老板争取吗？

我这里假批了，也可以被收回，
我这里批你假是人情，不批我假是道理；
你根本就没有为我想，
你就好像看到死人睡在我旁边，
就判定我是杀人凶手！

星期五忍了整晚，很想哭！
找来一些哭戏，可以大哭一场；
哭累了就睡了。。。

星期六还是一样，
忍了一整天，回到家后，就稀里哗啦的哭个不停。
一直重复地看你这几天的短讯，
越看越心痛。。。

我还能怎样 wo？
我哭了，还是哭了！

我痛了，还是痛了！