Hubby received a bad news from his hometown, his cousin sister had a sudden death at home. She was having chest discomfort, facial and ankle oedematous. Had seen doctor yesterday, but she arrested at home with her hand holding on her chest. Her feet were oedema and cyanosed too. Very obvious typical signs of Heart Failure. But.... why..... why.... why.... There are too many question marks in my mine right now. I really can't digest. I understand hubby and his family feeling now. Hubby was having insomnia for the whole night. He needs cigarette to keep himself awake in the next morning. I wish it is only meant for one cigarette!! Smoking not the right path to ease his sadness.
But, topic again roll back to our wedding. Supposed to have wedding preparation discussion and meeting next month when we are back for photo shooting in April. But hubby told, everyone no mood right now, think our wedding gonna be as simple as we can. Those bride maid la, bride maid dress colour la..... All have to cancel.
Since last year October, because of my mother in law, she dislike me, dislike my mom, dislike my family and relatives, it made me so hurt and in fact, we had decided to make wedding very simple. I wish to have no wedding dinner as well too. But I know, wedding is not about two person, but involved the whole families of us. Wedding dinner have to be held in Kuching (at least).
To me, I really has lost all the excitement about our wedding. To me, it will be just a 'show' for the people. I am not expecting anything from my wedding. I have no idea on the wedding preparation. I have no request and expectation at all for the wedding pictures shooting too. I even told my buddies it is 'OK' for not attending my wedding dinner in Kuching.
But, during CNY, she changed. She 'suddenly' realised that she was wrong and will try to accept me. In fact, I really don't know how to face her? Same applied to my mom, we are trying to avoid her or 'act' like nothing in front of her, to prevent unnecessary conflicts, because I am trying not to put hubby and father in law in trouble.
Everything seems to be going smoothly. When we were happily discussing about our actual day with all the 'sisters' and 'brothers', it is giving me the excitement and happiness feel again. Remember..... sunset is beautiful but is always too short. I feel disappointed and down again when hubby said everyone is no mood now, just go simple for our wedding. I really have nothing to say, but telling angry words by saying cancel dinner as well. What happened to me? Why my wedding celebration can not as happy as other couples. I am trying to understand others' feeling, but what about me?
Again, I think I should stay back with my principle ~ no expectation, thus no disappointment.
I am not sure if I am tough enough to face more disappointment......
who knows.... One day I might fall and......
who knows.... One day I might fall and......
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