Part 2 - SINGLE to ATTACHED

Throughout these few months we had been spending time for outing, chatting and sharing. Actually it was another test for us if we suit each other. Besides having similar hobbies, I think we have similar life principle and life concept. I believed we can be couple. Unfortunately, we are having a great concern, DISTANT. You are staying in Johor and I am staying in KL. As you said, it is 300km apart. When I was about to accept this relationship, DISTANT issue stopped me from moving further. All these years, I was the woman who is quite demanding and dependant to my man. I did consider about your approach, but distant issue making me to reconsider our relationship repeatingly. 

All these years, I was not able accept or I should say, I won’t accept any distant relationship. I might think that being attached mentally but not physically is not practical in a relationship. I also do believed that distant relationship always not long lasting or I might not be able to hold it long. Or maybe if I can’t stand the loneliness, I might have another man here in KL… No one can guarantee any promise as I don’t even can trust myself. I am just a ordinary woman, I am nobody to judge you or to control you for anything. 

But, you were trying to prove to me that distant is not an issue during your 1st trip to KL (alone) on July 28th, 2012. I was so surprised to see you with a bouquet of flower (although it was only 3 red roses) in LCCT. Don’t worry dear, I appreciated it. And that was our 1st official dating (without the gang). Thanks dear. Throughout the week, you were also trying to convince me that you willing to love me without any restriction. You don’t bother about my past with my terrible experiences. You wish I can trust you as you willing to do your best to make our love grow and to build our relationship with the distant of 300km. 

As we know, commitment is expressed through dialogue, through sharing thoughts and experiences. It is very important to establish basic understandings despite changes might happen at any time. The more you’re serious to me and the relationship, the more worries and anxious I have. I can’t promise that I really can commit this relationship. I was afraid to love again. I was worried I might be hurt again if we can’t make it works. It is difficult for me to love or being loved again after the terrible fall in the past marriage. I also wish not to hurt you if I give you a NO as my answer without any further trial. And I know you won’t easily let me go without giving you chances for the trial. At that moment, I do pray for the best for us. 

I did consider living alone and remaining single for my entire years of my life. I really don’t mind. I can work, I can earn myself, I can live myself too. Of course I do wish someone who can accept me, love me, and care me, concern about me and willing to spend his entire time with me; this is not an easy job. Until your existence, I realized that I can love again; it is really wonderful for being loved and concerned. With the wishes and greeting from the people surrounding us, I wish we can go further. I know (and you should sense it too) that I am not loving you as deep as you are; it is because of the barrier. But I do believe you can break the barrier to have my love completely. I trust you. 

But again, I wanted to tell you, there is always a greatest obstacle to keep a relationship, it is FEAR; fear of losing a relationship and losing a loved one. The more and the deep I love you, the more fear I will have in me. In order to avoid this, communication is very important to me and to us too to reach for a peacefully relationship. If we can find peace in a mutual and equal accommodation, I believed our love and commitment will grow. 

So, are you ready and are you willing to complete my entire life pathway with me?